Dante Can't Speak!
by Mischievious Moogle
Summary: Dante catches a cold that takes away his voice! And poor Lady is stuck taking care of him...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:  I do not own Devil May Cry! (Though I wish I did!)

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Dante Can't Talk: Chp 1

It was a dark, stormy afternoon and three women sat bored in the _Devil May Cry _shop. This week had been especially slow. Not a single phone call. Not even a wrong number. The blonde woman sighed.

"Is Dante up?", she asked.

"Nope", the dark haired woman answered.

"He usually sleeps late into the day", said the one with red hair.

All three sighed in unison. They were really, really bored. Finally, the blonde stood up and started heading up the stairs.

"Where are you going, Trish?", one asked.

"I'm going to wake Dante, Lady", Trish replied.

Trish reached the top of the stairs and opened the door to Dante's room. The room was dark and messy. Nothing was where it was supposed to be. Dante was still asleep in his bed in the corner of the room. He was completely covered with a mixture of black pillows and sheets. Trish walked toward him and nearly tripped over a sword that was left carelessly on the ground. With an impatient sigh, she poked him.

"Dante? You awake?", she whispered.

"…", replied Dante.

"Pssst! Awake now?", asked Trish, poking him a little harder.

"….", answered Dante.

"I guess this leaves me no choice", said Trish.

Trish took a few steps back and smiled playfully.

"Get up!", she shouted, running forward and jumping onto Dante's bed.

Dante bounced up and fell to the floor with a soft thud. Trish looked over the edge of the bed curiously. Dante remained silent the whole time and it had her worried.

"Okay, something is definitely wrong", mumbled Trish.

Downstairs, Lucia was silently counting the number of wood planks on the floor. Lady sat bored beside her.

"Twenty five…twenty six…", Lucia counted.

"Forty seven, sixty eight, ninety two", interrupted Lady.

Lucia paused, shrugged, and started counting all over again.

"Lady! Lucia! Dante's sick!", Trish shouted, running down the stairs as fast as she could.

"He is?", Lucia asked with a worried tone.

"He'll live", said Lady. "He's a demon, after all. He would probably be better tomorrow".

Trish shook her head. "It's different! He's burning up. And he can't talk!".

"He…can't talk?", Lady asked, clearly interested. Trish nodded.

All three females ran up the stairs to his room and up to his bed. Dante was sat up in his bed and looked sleepily over at them.

"Dante?", Lady whispered.

Dante looked silently over at her.

"He can't talk. Observe", Trish instructed. She raised her hand and swiftly slapped the back of his head. Dante glared angrily at her and tried to speak, but failed. Lady laughed.

"He really can't talk!", she giggled.

Lucia gasped dramatically. "Oh no! Not the son of Sparda! Why!", she cried. Lady and Trish just stared.

Dante picked up a piece of paper and pencil from the ground and started writing. After a few seconds, he handed the paper to Trish.

"I can't read this chicken scratch", Trish said, giving the paper to Lucia.

"Is this even English?", asked Lucia. Lady took the paper from Lucia and growled.

"How dare you! You…ugh! You're disgusting!", Lady roared. Dante smiled mischievously.

"You can actually read that?", Trish asked.

"Yeah", Lady responded. "Why?".

"This is great! You can take care of Dante now!", Lucia announced.

"What!", exclaimed Lady.

"Well, how will we know what he needs if we can't read his handwriting? You can read it so you're the best one for the job", Trish explained. Lady shook her head.

"There is no way on this earth that I'm going to take care of that demon!", shouted Lady.

A few hours later…

"Lady! Dante's ringing that bell again!", Trish called out.

Lady ran out of the kitchen holding a box of pizza in one hand and a bottle of soda in the other.

"I swear, if he rings that bell one more time, I'm going to make him eat it!", Lady snarled, running up the stairs to his room.

Somehow, Trish and Lucia convinced Lady to take care of Dante. Those two were miracle workers.

Dante smiled as Lady entered the room with his lunch. Lady gently placed the box of pizza on his lap and the bottle of soda next to his bed.

"Anything else before I actually try to live my own life again?", Lady asked angrily.

Dante thought for a moment and scribbled something down on the piece of paper. Lady snatched up the paper, read it, and walked back downstairs again.

"What does he want this time?", Lucia asked.

"I'm going to need you girls' help for this one", Lady said, ignoring Lucia's question.

"But what does he want?", Trish repeated.

Lady pointed at the big screen TV set that was placed carefully in front of the beat up couch in the main area.

"…He's got to be kidding…"

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A/N: Yay! This is my first Devil May Cry fic, although I've been playing it ever since it first came out! Anyway, please review! It may help Dante get better quicker!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Devil May Cry!!

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**Dante Can't Talk: Chp 2**

A few days later…

"Lady! Dante's calling you again!", Lucia called out.

Lady let out an exasperated sigh and slowly crawled up the stairs.

"He's really working her to the bone, isn't he?", commented Trish.

Lady mumbled angrily to herself as she walked up to his room.

"He's going to pay dearly when he's better", she growled.

But when Lady reached the door, she heard somebody speaking.

"Hm…and maybe I can ask her to fluff my pillows again…she's good at that. Oh! And maybe after, she can draw me a nice hot bath…", the voice mused aloud.

Lady gasped and kicked Dante's door down.

"AHA! You big faker!", she roared. "You're just fine, aren't you?!"

Dante froze and stared at Lady.

"Oh! Lady! Er…I mean….L…ady…um…", Dante tried to rasp.

"Oh, wait until the other girls hear about this!"

Lady raced down the stairs and up to Trish and Lucia.

"Guys! Dante's feeling better!", shouted Lady. "I'm free!"

"He is?", Lucia asked.

"Yes! He's been faking this entire time"

"Faking? Why would Dante fake that?", Trish asked. "You know him. He _lives _to talk".

Lady shook her head.

"Oh, you know Dante! He _loves _the fact that _I _have to serve _him_! He's just milking it for all it's worth".

"What if you're lying to us?", Lucia said.

"Yeah. Maybe you're making this up to get out of taking care of Dante", Trish added.

"What?!"

Just then, the front door to Devil May Cry opened and someone walked inside.

"Hey, Vergil", Trish greeted.

Vergil walked in, holding a grocery bag, and greeted the three ladies.

"Oh, Vergil, I'm so glad you're here", Lady said.

"I heard that Dante was sick, so I bought these vegetables for him", Vergil said, oblivious to Lady. "These should-"

"He's faking it!", Lady shouted.

Vergil looked at her and arched a brow.

"Faking?"

"Yes! Geez, why doesn't anybody believe me?!"

Vergil stared into space for a while and nodded.

"Actually, I believe you, Lady", he said.

"What?!", the three women said in unison.

"I believe Lady. He's faked illnesses before when we were younger. Besides, I would love to catch him in a lie. Especially by a woman he knows can kick his-"

"Great! But, how are we going to catch him? He's going to be extra careful now, so we can't just sneak up on him again. We need to trick him into speaking", interrupted Lady.

"I have an idea…"

A couple of hours later, Dante rang the bell for a fifth time.

_Where is Lady? She usually comes after the third bell. Maybe I should stop faking this. She knows I can talk and it's only a matter of time before I slip and my secret is out….Nah, I'll milk this for a couple more days, then I'll stop. I promise._

Downstairs, Vergil and the three women were in a huddle.

"Okay, you understand the plan?", he asked.

Lucia looked a little unsure.

"Um…can you go over it once more?".

Vergil sighed.

"Okay. But pay close attention! Make one mistake and the plan is ruined. I want you girls to unplug anything that makes noise in this house. The phone, the TV, the radio, everything! And make sure that you don't make any noises either. I don't want to hear anything! Got it?"

Everyone nodded and silently dashed off to get rid of any threats to their plan.

"Uh oh!", Trish said in a loud whisper. "He's coming!"

Lady, Trish, and Vergil jumped onto the couch and pretended to be busy doing something. Lady was inspecting her nails, Trish was holding a small radio (and softly bobbing her head), and Vergil was reading a nearby magazine. Lucia disappeared into the kitchen.

Dante walked into the room and looked at everyone at the couch.

_What does that woman think she's doing? I'm sick and she's down here, inspecting her nails?!_

Dante walked up to Lady and tapped her shoulder. She looked up at him and tilted her head a little to the side in slight confusion.

_I want you upstairs drawing my bath or in the kitchen, making my dinner!_

Lady shrugged and went back to looking at her nails. Dante looked over to Trish and arched a brow.

_Why is she bobbing her head? There is no music coming out of that thing._

He snatched the radio away from Trish and turned the volume to the maximum, but no music could be heard.

_N-No music? Wait a moment…have I gone deaf? Hm…only one way to find out._

Dante threw the radio at Vergil's head as hard as he could. Vergil caught the radio before it hit him, smirked, and mouthed a few words towards him.

'Nice try, Dante', Vergil thought.

_Why didn't I hear that?_

Dante rushed into the kitchen and ran directly into Lucia.

_Lucia?_

Lucia stumbled back a little bit and caught her balance. With a smile, she mouthed a few words of apology and walked into the main room.

Dante stood in the doorway to the kitchen with an astonished look on his face.

"I've…I've gone deaf! I'm deaf!", Dante shouted. "I'M DEAF!!!"

"Gotcha!", Lady shouted, jumping up from her seat. "I told you that he could talk!"

Dante looked at everyone in the main room and smiled innocently.

"Um…Glory, I'm healed?"

"Nice try, brother", Vergil said with an evil smile. "So, what shall we do for payback?"

"Oh, I have a few things in mind", Lady said, smiling equally as evil.

Later that night…

"Oh, Dante! My drink needs refreshing!", Lady called out.

"Mine too!", Lucia and Trish shouted in unison.

"And we're out of potato chips", added Vergil.

"Get it yourself!", Dante shouted from the kitchen.

"Nuh uh uh!", Lady scolded. "Do you _want _me to use the leash again?"

"No!", Dante said quickly, then sighed. "Fine, I'm coming"

_I know I should enjoy it when Lady has me on a leash, but she pulls really _hard

Dante walked out of the kitchen and everyone in the living room laughed. The poor half-demon was wearing a skimpy little maid outfit and was holding a tray with a bowl of potato chips and three cups of ice tea on it.

"Lady, I said I was sorry a billion times! How much longer must I wear this ridiculous outfit?"

Lady took one glass of ice tea, smiled, and faked a cough.

"Well, Dante, we're just going to have to wait until _I_ feel 'better'!"

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A/N: Aaaaaand it's over! Sorry it took such a long time. I had a hard time deciding exactly how I should end it! Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the story! Thanks to all of my reviewers!! See you all next time! (Please review!)


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